Wednesday, 28 May 2008

Running commentaries

Yes, I know - I am sometimes I'm "the only person in here!".

Yes, I know - sometimes I have a "colleague sitting just behind me to chat to, ooh, I didn't see her there!".

Yes, I know that there are people in de-rigging the studio lights so "at least I have company today!"

Yes, I know that "it's like the Mary Celeste in here!"

Yes, I know that I "might as well go home now that there's no one about!"

But unfortunately, I am too busy relishing the peace and quiet and being able to get on with work - which is disturbed every time this bloody woman from the adjacent office walks through here and makes observatory "quips" about how quiet it is now that everybody has left.

It's not that she stops to chat, oh no, I could probably cope with that. That would mean that she would have to extend her range of speech beyond things that this empty room is comparable to. I could cope if it was once a day, but it's not, it's about 15.

I have heard every smart Alec remark possible, every word synonymous with a sunken ghost ship there ever was. I KNOW, for gods sake, I KNOW. Why do British people feel so awkward about being in the company of just one other person that they have to make small, inane, one-sentence chit-chat about, lord help me, empty space? Moreover, why do we have to create running commentaries about things that are plainly obvious at all?

Take my dad watching, I don't know, Top Gear or something.
"Ooh, look, what's that then? An Aston Vanquish is it?"
"I don't know, dad."
"Oh no it's a DB9. Ha! What's he driving it like that for?!"
"I don't know, keep watching and I'm sure we'll find out."
"He's racing it against the Jag. That'll never win! Ooh blimey, that's fast."
"DAD. SHHHH. I have Jeremey Clarkson as commentary, I don't need you as well."

I love the quiet. I love the concentration it affords me. And if I hear one more comment about why "I must be so bored in here alone!" I'll move, too. Under my desk.


theperpetualspiral said...

I know what you mean about peace and quiet. How come when someone disturbs you they seem to have no realisation that they are doing so?

Boy said...

That's JUST what my dad's like, but I think that's more 'cos he misses me and likes to make convo, bless him.

You need to figure out some comebacks. "Yeah, it's as empty as your love life in here!"


London-Lass said...

O I get that tired old line about "Dont you get bored being on your own?" too. Well. No. Actually. I dont. Because I am working. Rack off!

China Blue said...

My mum is full of interesting stories, but I don't want to hear them during The Apprentice.

Empty Woman could at least stop and make conversation beyond issuing statements from the Ministry of Stating the Bloody Obvious. But she is, in the end, doing something very un-British: acknowledging your presence and bothering to say anything at all.

James said...

Your getting rather nifty at MS Paint... and what's with the headphones? Are you allowed to listen to music at work? Because that would be quite a perk.

surviving myself said...

If you need me, I'll be under my desk too.

Matt said...

people just dont respect the sanctity of silence anymore.

Clarissa said...

can you put on a walkman?

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

perpetual - yeah, or they think you're grateful for the matter how trivial...

boy - that'll shut her up...a good, clean, offensive "YOUR MUM'S EMPTY" response!

londonlass - exactly! and I work a hell of a lot better without people disturbing me to tell me how quiet it up! I feel like a librarian

china blue - that's very true. Bit ironic that two british things, silence and small talk, seem to go arm and arm in this case.

james - when the office was busy busy it wasn't that sensible to wear headphones, only because you can't hear the phone and people yelling at you. but now it's quiet, I'll often put on an episode of eastenders in the corner of the screen or some music on. there's no one really here to mind.

surviving - see you there.

matt - I concur, maximus!!

clarissa - see above. I do occasionally, but when my colleague is here I feel a little rude.

blueskies2day said...

My dad reads signs out loud as you're walking down the street, as if you're blind and he is your eyes:

"Zorby's Coffee, Cappuccinos 2 for 1"

"Please don't walk on the grass"

"Toilets are for customer use only"


I think he likes to feel important


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