Friday, 21 December 2007

The Angry Child: A Christmas Tale of Woe

Today there was a very angry child in my local Marks and Spencer food store. Stomping around, muttering to himself and dragging a rather large, Christmassy-goods filled trolley, the lone, angry child came careering up the aisle.

I was sympathetic to his plight. My mother will tell anyone who'll listen about my very own aversion to Marks and Spencer from a young age, when, upon seeing the green neon sign approaching, I would scream my bloody head off until it went away. True story. Oh, the tantrums.

However, this kid was a realllly angry little bugger. As I said, this trolley was bashing all over the gaff and then predictably, straight into my mum. She turned around and glared at him in that way only headteachers can, and he said the most shockingly rude thing I have ever heard a child say to someone in Marks and Spencer while receiving the glare of a headteacher, and that is....

He 'HA'-ed her! Just like that! 'HA!' and continued bumping his way up the aisle and into boxes and OH! What a sight. Why, child...muttering to yourself, why art thou so angry?

The answer came a few aisles later, when I spied a most peculiar looking lady wondering down Aisle 4 (now renamed the Cake Aisle). A woman in a hat that was, by all accounts (mostly mine) h'extremely inappropriate for a jaunt around the shops. I fumbled for my camera phone, but alas I was too late and the perfect shot had gone. Fear not, readers, for I have recreated the image to such detail that not having a photo hardly matters:

She had what appeared to be a Santa suit hung over her large frame, with inappropriate hat squished onto her tubby little head AND TINSLE to boot....and there beside her, whinging, muttering and WHINING away was none other than her angry little son.

"MUM!" said I... "No wonder he's so angry, look at that hat! BLAAADY HELL. Did you see her? Quick, there - get a load of that!"

And the mystery of the angry boy in evil Marks and Spencer was solved. Parents, parents...Christmas is stressful enough without subjecting your children to fun festive outfits in food stores. If in doubt, just tie the little scamps up outside - don't put other shoppers at risk from their anger.


pink jellybaby said...

Eeee hehehehe i LOVE it.

mjohnson said...

Some of your very finest MS Paint work to date, you know I'm a fan of your work in this medium, quite sublime.

the boy who likes to... said...

She looks like a snowman.

Miss Understood said...

My Mum went to Marks and Spencer about forty two years ago. She walked there, did her shopping, and walked back home. She unpacked it all, put it away, sat down, and scratched her head - certain that she'd forgotten something. An hour later - A WHOLE HOUR - she realised what she'd forgotten. She had left my brother in his pram, parked up in the M&S window.

True story.

(Back then, people used to leave their pushchairs by the front door and do their shopping hassle free!)

Love the pictures!

Reluctant Blogger said...

Right - I'll remember that! Not that I ever take my children shopping if I can help it - far too much stress even when I dress in (what I consider) an unembarrassing way.

Thanks for your Christmas wishes chez moi. Have a good Christmas yourself and thanks for all your comments over the past few months.

weenie said...

In a politically incorrect world, that 'HA' would have incurred the boxing of the little blighter's ears!

But can see why he was so angry - what a sad case his mum is!

Jo said...

PJB - glad it amused you!

mjohnson - Oh why thank you, what a is rather splendid, I admit.

the boy - Never a truer description was said!

Miss - That story genuinely had me laughing my little socks off. M&S makes people do evil things.. buy all in one bodies...full size knickers...leave their kids...

reluctant - enjoy christmas. kids should be seen and not heard, or alternatively, left outside. ;)

weenie - he was so rude, my mum was actually too shocked to reply. which i think was a first. I might try it. "tidy your room"



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