Monday, 8 October 2007

RAAAAANNNNNNTTTTTTTTT

You'll be glad to know I'm feeling zillions of times better. The boyfriend got his arse to my house after watching England win the rugby (woops, sorry Aussie readers....bahahaha) and we sat down for a dinner with my parents and two of their long time friends. After drinking copious amounts of wine, we all retired to bed (not together, that'd be weird) and I woke up with a hangover to rival this one. Exchange the tube for a car journey and the toilet for a plastic bag and you have my day between the hours of 1 and 2pm on Sunday afternoon. Nice.

What's even worse was that boyfriend was being Captain Smug because he, in his infinite wisdom, had downed a Berocca before passing out and was therefore the only person in the house to wake up feeling absolutely fine. The only thing worse than waking up with a hangover, is waking up with a hangover and suffering alone. Fact.

I should add that my strop on Friday resulted in me trying to relax by reading a book. I mentioned the other week that I was after suggestions for a good book as the particular one I found on the shelf was h'actually causing multiple brain freezes with every page. I can deal with chick lit. I can't deal with bad chick lit. Marian Keyes ' The Other Side of the Story' is crap. Do not pick it up unless, like me, you intend to hurl it from one side of your room to the other in a fit of rage that such a pile of steaming pile of pig snot should get published. I'm not joking, see? There is the offending item in it's final resting place on the floor, next to my tennis racket.

I think it was free from a magazine and to be honest, I'm not surprised. I'm actually amazed they could give it away, it was that bad. This author had whole chapters of "emails" from one girl to her friend which were no more like an email than an elephant resembles a big toe. I mean, when was the last time you wrote an email to your mate like this?

"Wait till you hear. Last night I was in bed, comforting myself with the
film-director farmer fantasy when I heard a noise coming from Mam's room. Some
sort of bump, then she was calling piteously [
piteously? Is that really the
first word that came to mind?], '
Gemma, Gemma' Like this -
Ddgeeeemmmmaaaahhh....ddgeemmaaahhh...so I pelted her and she was turned on her
side writhing like a dying haddock [
dying haddock? writhing like a dying
haddock?]"

etc etc. It continues in a similar fashion. It might not seem that bad to you but it truely is, trust me like gospel teaching FACTO TRUE STORY...this book is not 'A wonderful, subtle, hilarious and highly sophisticated novel....you can't stop reading' (according to the Evening Standard). Au contrare mes amie, I CONTEST THAT STATEMENT YOUR HONOUR! you definitely can stop reading. In fact, stopping reading and chucking it out of the nearest window is probably the best experience this book'll give you. Promotional Copy Only - Not For Resale? RESALE? Are you kidding me? You had to give it away in the first place. Arrrghhhh how do these people get published?

Rant over.

12 comments:

Hannah said...

You know what? You need to learn to form an opinion. Stop sitting on the fence.

Jo said...

Haha...I don't mess about when it comes to saying what I think... My bloke got sick of me ranting, thats why I made this blog in the first place :D

pink jellybaby said...

I agree - it's an awful book. But i think i might have got to the end!

Miss Understood said...

So, you're saying I shouldn't buy it then? Damn shame. I could do with a good book right now.

Rant away. It makes me feel like I'm not alone.

Jo said...

PJB - You're a soldier. I got about 3 chapters in...that was enough for me.

Miss - Defintely not. I've started on Phillip Pullman's Northern Lights. It's been recommended to me more than once, so I'm determined to get it read.

London-Lass said...

I always try not to take any notice of those reviews that get splashed across book covers (the same ones that get splashed over movie posters) as they're (9 times out of 10) a festering pile of poo. So, to all you reviewers out there, kindly take your `unputdownables', `laughed til I crieds' and `if you only ever read one book in your lifetime make sure it's this ones' and shove them up your stinking reviewer arseholes.

Ella said...

To be fair, that wasn't Marian Keyes' best effort, "Rachel's Holiday" is far better. I'm a bit worried that i might have said book hurled in my direction now lol ...

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Jo said...

Yes, I am amazing aren't I?

(PS. Anyone speak...Turkish?)

Lapa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
the boy who likes to... said...

From that snipet the book sounds fantastic, fantastic like beached whale. Just genius
You swapped the toilet for a plastic bag? Did you learn that move off a posh hobo?

Jo said...

Lapa - SOD OFF WITH YOUR BLOODY ADVERTISING...I TOLD YOU ONCE ALREADY...

The boy - well I was feeling a bit shaky and sick and faint, and my boyfriend who was driving reached round and magicked a plastic bag. I thought it was either that or get out of the car and do it in front of some pleasant sunday walkers...I thought the bag was a better option.

 

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