Tuesday, 10 April 2007

To Do List

Things that have annoyed me today:



  • The parts of house, lunch and clothing left all down the pathway leading to my house from the people who are renovating / destroying a house there. And the fact that the renovators feel to piss in the garden which can be seen from my house instead of using a toilet. That's not pleasant.

  • Men who wolf whistle: what are you hoping to achieve? Is it really likely that on hearing you whistle, I'm going to stop, turn around, walk over to where you are and ask "Who made that attractive sound? I was just about to go to the shops but fuck it, do ya fancy going for a drink when you've finished mowing that person's lawn?". Is this something that Nuts, Zoo or FHM promote as a way to get a girl's attention successfully? Or maybe it is a good way if they're after the classy sort of girls that visit the magazine message boards...who knows.

Things that I never thought I'd say but have done recently:

  • Ooh, that's a well nice lamp / room / bed / table / chair and other general furniture appreciation
  • I said I'd go out, but I just looked at the Radio Times and there's some really good programmes on tonight...
  • The spaghetti is only 29p in here. We paid 55p in the shop down the road. Remember that.
  • That's a nice grey top.
  • Weather's nice! It's quite warm today isn't it? Bit of a cool breeze but it's ok once you get going!

Things I say a lot:

  • Boyfriend: You're fat
    Me: You're fat
    Boyfriend: Good one.

  • What has she come as? (Upon seeing weirdly dressed folk)

  • Would you still love me if I had a tail / three arms / horns / an abnormally large belly button / chest hair / scales covering my back at the weekends / dinosaur claws instead of hands?

  • (Just after breakfast) What's for dinner?

  • Walrus.

Things I will never say:

  • I really like those shoes, but there's no way I can justify spending all that money on them.
  • No chocolate for me thanks, I'm watching my weight.
  • Quick! Turn over the channel! Hollyoaks / Coronation Street / Emmerdale / a hilarious Steve Coogan programme is on!
  • Switch off that light! Don't you know that cO2 causes climate change???
  • No, please, smoke away! I love the smell your cigarettes leave on my clothes. Mmmm.

Life would be easier if:

  • Wine came with a complimentary hangover cure
  • Stupid people had not evolved any further than monkey stage
  • Millionaires had to donate some of their money to, err, me.
  • Essays wrote themselves

Celebrity Type People I would like to push into a pond:

  • Peirs Morgan
  • Paris Hilton
  • Steve Coogan
  • Edith Bowman
  • Peaches Geldof
  • Jack Black
  • Lindsay Lohan
  • Celine Dion
  • Jordan and Peter Andre (double push) for looking like this. Skin tight dress, really?

Inportant things that people who go on Jeremy Kyle type shows need to know:

  • The contraceptive pill is available free! Yes free!
  • If the only way to identify the father of your child is via DNA testing, please make use of the first bullet point more often.
  • If you threaten to petrol bomb your mother's house, it is unlikely she will want you to live there.

Ummm, that is all for now.

Maybe I'll do some more later

Ta Ta

edit:

Time back in house: 1 hour

Number of wrong numbers so far: 1 (Sue)

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