Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Calm after the storm

Ohhh it's wonderful. Absolutely bloody wonderful this.

Is this what it feels like to have everything click into place? To have a plan? To know your way in the world? When your fingers jump from key to key like excited little hyperactive mung beans? Bong bong bong.

On Monday I spent the day wallowing in the royal pigs arse of not knowing what the future held. Single, jobless, vague sense of career direction, no idea how to get there. Slightly in debt. Applying. Getting nowhere. Social life quiet. Blog privacy invaded. Needing to confront people. Make amends. Express frustration; with friends, with an ex, with employers who can't even email me back to say I've been unsuccessful. I hardly let on, but Monday was shit. Really shit. I dragged myself to the gym, stepped yawning and quiet into the Boxercise class. A girl I recognised from last week smiled at me and said Hello. "Morning" I replied, without a smudge of irony. "Morning?" I thought, two seconds later, "It's 7.15 at night. Why the hell did I just say "morning?".

Then I threw the first punch. Gloves on and THWACK. Straight into the the pads held up by the (good looking, yeah owwwright!) male instructor.

"You've got a good right hook" he said, as I smacked my fist into his padded hands. And then BOOF, again. "Your left's crap though", he added. Can't have it all.

I spent an hour punching the living daylights out of a foam pad. Twisting, hopping, running, sparring, putting everything I had into it. Smack, smack, smack.

But this isn't about how good at punching I am. Although I'm still aching from my efforts two days later. It's about how I felt when I got home, and each day since then. Really bloody achy, actually, like is this normal? But something else, too.

How can I put this? It's like something clicked that night. I suddenly knew exactly what I wanted to do and how, when and what it would achieve. It just popped into my head. I can barely write it down, I'm not even going to tell my friends for a little while. Yesterday and today I've been grinning to myself, excited about things that haven't even begun to happen yet. It makes so much sense. It'll give me the perfect excuse to sort out everything that's been hanging over me and put it into perspective.

Ahh, Horoscopes are mostly bollocks, yeah. But Mercury can rule my planet any day.


Elaine said...

So the girl's gonna be a fitness instructor!

Huw said...

A thug. You're going to become a thug.

Zstep said...

You're going to have the flu! Dunno how you'll make a living at that though.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Well, you don't have to tell your friends what you're up to but you can certainly let us in on it. How long will you make us wait?

Anonymous said...

You're going to be a boxer?

Anonymous said...

That's brilliant! Congratulations. I can't wait till you tell us your plans (so I can steal them for my own, as I have none).

Blue soup said...

weeeeeeeeeeeeeee! what is itttttt!!?!! :D

monicarolevans said...

Cool! I'm excited to hear more about this mystery career :-)

Elaine said...

Oh, come on!

Mouldy-Old-Tartlet said...

You little tease.

Anyway, if I had to guess, I'm gonna go for `flange tester'.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Elaine - Ha! Fat chance. (geddit)

Huw - Yes! A debt collector. Bingo.

ZStep - I've had it. Next!

Unbearable - See response on latest post!

Perp - No, the boxing bit of the story was just leading you up the garden path I'm afraid.

Blueskies - Oh, you can join in if you like :)

Blue soup - Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! You'll find out when it's finalised!

Monica - Yeah me too. Hello, by the way, new face.

Elaine - Patience!

MOT - It's a bit scary how well you actually know me ;)


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