Thursday, 1 May 2008

Turn on, tune in, go mental

Alright, you know how when I was doing my dissertation and I never shut up about how annoying working in the library was, because when you're somewhere fairly quiet you tend to notice all the little noises?
I think it's because noises are mostly alright until you tune into them, so there might be a dripping tap but you won't hear it until someone points it out and then you can't get it out of your head or think of anything else. Or you might think your friend's laugh is absolutely normal, until another friend hears them in the background over the phone and goes 'What the blooody hell was that laugh?' and you just hear it more loudly than ever before.
Then you've got other noises that you hear from the start. Or you tuned into it once years ago and now you just instantly pick up on it. Like the whole eating with your mouth open thing, the pet hate that caused this blog title to be so long and obscure, that's annoying right from the first crunch munch and I never fail to notice it. I just hear the yap yap yap yapping and then I can't stop thinking about it. I have to count to 10 to try and get my brain's fixation onto something else like counting how many peas there are on my plate or something.
Today I have tuned into two immensely annoying things. Obviously in an office there are lots of computers. This means lots of tap tap tapping on keyboards, all day, everyday. Usually it's not annoying, because usually that's exactly what it is, just a rhythmic tap tap tap. It's background noise and I can ignore that pretty easily, it's almost quite relaxing. What's annoying is the bloke who chooses not to tap tap tap, no no, but to HAMMER with great force onto every key; great big stabbing prods which emit a sound that is louder than your average keyboard tap. Thats annoying.
I can hear him BANG BANG BANG above everyone elses tapping and I just want to say "bloooody hell, mate, what did the keyboard do to you? Chill out, no need to go mental about it, you can tap reaaaallly lightly and stuff still comes up on the screen, see?"
Then there is a girl who is clumping around in great big boots which she may or may not have deposited 10 ton weights in the bottom of, as she seems unable to lift the damn things off the floor. Drag drag drag, off she clomps to the other side of the office to speak to hammer fingers who stops his keyboard massacre for long enough to talk to her, before he carries on banging and she drags her feet unwillingly back to her desk.
- This post was brought to you by Jo's dainty little taps -


James said...

is ths quet engh tping fr yu... I THINK I MISSED OUT SOME LETTERS.

p.s. armpits aren't so bad ;)

Clarissa said...

Oh dear. Keyboard bashers. And in the open plan office. Bad.

And am I the first commenter again? Promise I'm not stalking. *hee hee*

Clarissa said...

oh. I'm not necessarily 1, I see. Phew. Definitely not stalking then.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

james - r u 1 ov thse hoodiez tht i c on d news? u type lyk 1

clarissa - stalk away, i actually quite like it. gives me a warm, stalkerish glow.

London-Lass said...

Your post reminded me of when our office had a big power cut recently. Power cut was caused by some dullard in a hard hat cutting through an important cable running through our road. Unfortunately it was fixed sooner rather than later (which meant I couldnt skip off home at 2pm like I'd been feverishly imagining) but during the time we were without electricity, it was quite amazing how odd the office sounded. No more background humming from my computer, my printer, nearby fax machine or photocopier. It was so quiet. And odd. When the power eventually came back on it took me a while to tune out all the sounds from the re-awakening machines that I'd never noticed before so they'd disappear in to the background (as before). Pity I couldnt do the same about my bosses, but you cant have everything.

weenie said...

Maybe you need to drown out the noise by playing your ipod really loud?

James UK said...

The first time I went back into Chelmsford Library after a long break, I was amazed at the number of people using mobile phones in a loud way, despite the signs asking them not to. :-(

theperpetualspiral said...

I think it is compulsory for every office to have a keyboard basher, someone with a shrill laugh as well as a continual sneezer/cougher.

Lynsey said...

The office I used to work in was really quiet and, rather than the keyboard tapping being annoying, it was the never ending mouse clicks that really got to me. Especially when the person next to me clicked at the exact same time as me. I'm sure she didn't notice but it made me cringe. That and the torturous humming of the servers nearby. OMG offices suck.

James said...

"james - r u 1 ov thse hoodiez tht i c on d news? u type lyk 1"

it was supposed to be imitating typing quietly... so much so a few letters I typed didn't register.

Mjohnson said...

This morning there was a woman on the bus, it was pretty empty, she got up, walked forward three rows on the other side tapped a chap on the shoulder and asked him to turn his ipod down. I could hear his headphones so it was loud but this is a double decker in south london. I was thinking, if that annoys you then you're in trouble. More people got on and for some reason, I can usually block all this out, I started listening. Before long we had a girl talking on her phone about her boyfriend, he had got drunk and woke her up begging for a lift. Several other equally loud ipods and talking, yes people were having conversations - shock horror - probably the biggest source of noise. Oh and then their was external bus sounds, traffic, the bus itself etc. I hate the phone speakers, but not because they're loud, because they are aggresive. I'm not bothered by noise. If I was I'd go mad. (Moral of the story, I think you're mad).

Rol said...

The rattles in my car drive me mental.

And since you've pointed out that typing thing, my colleagues are all getting on my nerves far more than usual. Thanks!

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

londonlass - Now there's an off switch for bosses and other colleagues...that would make my Eastenders watching at lunch time much easier.

weenie - But then I would be committing a jangley music offense. Not cool.

James UK - the British library is so far the only one I've been to where people actually shut the hell up. It's bliss.

perpetual - I may or may not be the sneezer. Eek.

lynsey - You're right there. Tap tap, click click, it's just none stop noise when you think about it.

James - I got it the first time! Was just making a completely unrelated comment....

mjohnson - You may have a point. You do have a point. I am very succeptable to external noises, personally, I blame my mother who would always tell us to be quiet if there was any skin picking / teeth picking / sniffing / generally annoying noises going on around the house.

rol - You're welcome. It's like my public duty to inform you all of everything that annoys me. That way there's more people to tell other people to shhhhhhhhh.

I had a car rattle once. I took it to the garage to get it sorted but of course as soon as the bloke got in it for a listen, it stopped.

rosiewishes said...

Argh - I have a housemate who cannot pick her feet up! She shuffles around the place and it irritates the hell out of me!

I, strangely, quite like the sound of a tapping keyboard.


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