Monday, 17 March 2008

Sleeping with the lights (and music, and clothes) on

Do you ever think it's mental how some people can just fall asleep anywhere...like I'll find that even though I might be pissed and shattered or whatever, and really feel like I'm in need of a kip, something will always stop me completely going under if I'm in a public place. That is, of course, apart from the time I fell asleep in Wembley Arena across a row of plastic chairs at a Status Quo concert when I was about six. I'd gone with my parents (not a load of mates) so at least I had someone to carry me back to the car and into bed. Ahh, those were the days.

But still, I always think it's bloody hilarious when I'm out and can see someone completely out cold in the corner of a pub, especially when you can see their mates taking turns to 'go to the loo' aka, get out of babysitting duties. Then one by one they all bugger off, returning between songs / drinks to give their sleeping friend a half hearted prod or a glass of water. This is precisely what happened to this pub napper, evidently excited to the point of exhaustion over the nights events and performing the pub flop for the whole Friday night clientele to see. Clearly abandoned by her mates, amusingly she is still trusted with coat and bag supervision; a job she carries out to the best of her ability.




Next up we've got the tube slouch. Coming back on the northern line from Clapham on Saturday night and two people got on the train together, sat opposite each other and then promptly fell asleep. Now, I'm no body language expert, but these vibes are as natural as they come, everthing about him says LEAVE ME ALONE as only a tube napper can.


Observe the way his hood remains up, arms are tangled up with one hand emulating the 'Jeremy Beadle claw' and legs are crossed over to prevent any funny business occuring in the nether regions. This, along with speed of head droppage (1 stop at the most) indicates he is clearly a seasoned tube napper, who will leave the party early in order to insure he has time to go back when he misses his stop.

Last but by no means least, we have that old favourite: the toilet hug. This differs from the 'tube slouch' and the 'pub flop' because it usually occurs when the napper has returned to his or her abode in the early hours of the morning. It should be noted that there is an off-shoot group who specialise in public toilet napping, however due to the fact they usually couple their downtime with a locked cubicle door to ensure privacy and nap longevity, they are particularly difficult to catch on camera. Demonstrated perfectly by my old uni housemate, your average home toilet napper will be in no fit state to lock or even close the door and will alert you to the fact that a nap is about to take place by retching and vomiting into the toilet beforehand. They then assume the foetal position, curled around the stump of the toilet where they will remain until enough photos, videos and general mocking by their housemates has taken place. They will then be offered a pillow (always refused) and be left with a mug of water to soften the blow of this least comfortable nap style.


One thing's for certain. All three nappers can be linked by the undignified nature of their chosen nap time and place...a long long way from their bed and sobriety. The question is: Where do you have yours?

20 comments:

Robbie said...

Man, if I had a nickle for every time I had some random fall asleep behind my toilet, I'd be rich, beyond my wildest dreams.

I was always noted as the "one at houseparties who could sleep anywhere."
I normally re-phrased this as "pacing."
I once fell asleep on a bus on my way home. Standing up. The standing up sleep is pretty hard to master.

James said...

Oh I'm the worst for not been able to fall asleep in random places. It doesn't matter how tired I am I just can't get 40winks anywhere but my own comfy bed.

I was notorious for making many a long tired drunken trek home from house parties and such like, because however much I tried I couldn't fall asleep until I reached the comfyness of my own bed.

pinkjellybaby said...

I can only really sleep in the normal places; bed, sofa, train, car.

mjohnson said...

I can fall asleep anywhere. I learned it in Japan, they all do it there. They get on the tube and their head goes down eyes closed, allot of them aren't asleep this is just, for many, standard travel posture. I loved it, I was on my way home from work once and fell asleep on the train. When I got to my stop I was aware that we were there, but I was so comfy I went up and down the line again, which took nearly an hour. Hmmm sleep. I wasn't even drunk.

surviving myself said...

hahaha - those are awesome pictures.

And is that the way the seats are in the tube? Man! The seats in our subway are all hard and plactic!

China Blue said...

Jo, you are TOO funny! Desmond Morris has nothing on you for people-watching :-)

I have habit of falling asleep on the tube, and used to fall asleep in clubs. In Fabric the first time was on the dancefloor (well, the stage in room 1) and in the VIP where my brother was on the door. I sat down after hard night's raving at DTPM, and conked out in a big leather chair. I had random people poking me to make sure I hadn't died or shat myself.

Oh, there was this one guy I saw asleep at the back of the bus, on the lower deck. He was sat in the middle seat, that looks down the aisle. Not only did he pass out, but he was rocking forward dangerously... only to pitch forward and Superman down the aisle.
How I laughed...

Hannah said...

Can't say I've done it myself, but there was an occasion at a party here when we found a friend fast asleep on the tiled bathroom floor, hugging the bathmat.

Homer said...

Ooooh. Those are not pretty pictures. Thank god I'm one of those middle-class thirtysomething drinkers the government are always worrying about, and am usually on my own sofa when the wine fairy decides to send me to sleep.

Bec said...

Train from London to Preston. post Concert. Woke up just before hitting Preston. With drool on my chin... and two people staring at me in horror from across the table.

Damn expensive Wembley beer.

Steph said...

Done the toilet one many a time. The train? No fecking way! I'll stickytape my eyes open first, it's too dangerous.
The pub one....usually on the floor, never been co-ordinated enough to stay in the chair.

Miss Understood said...

I can't even manage to fall asleep on my own sofa. Having said that, I was very close to nodding off at a Status Quo concert last year.

alice said...

i've really enjoyed your blog :) do you like poetry? im gonna get an english cover for my book. maybe you know the artist. thank's.

theperpetualspiral said...

At Snetterton last year when we were racing in a 24hr race, I had a sleep lying on the cold and wet concrete floor of the pit garage. For that 20 mins it was the most comfortable place in the world.

ULTRAGEOUS said...

Real English people...
very well, are those your friends?

London-Lass said...

Ah. Sleeping in public places. Yes. That's my forté. Remember many a late evening slumped and snorting on the last train home. I've even managed to pass out whilst in the second from front row at the cinema during a showing of Lost World. Dinos were roaring. Music was loud. Didnt matter a jot as I was out for the count. The only fly in the ointment is I am a contact lens wearer and waking up from an unplanned (but quite long) public nap can end up leaving you briefly with little discs of plastic flapping on your eyeballs whilst you wonder for a moment where the ruddy hell you are.

arbyn said...

OMG. This is the best napping mockumentary I've ever read.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I really hope those are your photos. I now aspire to gather a public napping collection of my own.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

robbie - Haha, I like that...and have noooo idea how you managed to sleep standing up. That I've GOT to get a picture of.

james - My housemate at uni was like that, she just wouldn't sleep anywhere but her bed. So while I was happily passed out on someones floor, she'd insist on going home. Arrrrrhhhh

pjb - Snnoooooze!! ;)

mjohnson - Strange about Japan. Are they even more unsociable on their public transport than us in London then?

surviving myself - thanks. And yep, us Londoners are treated to nothing short of luxury. (Just don't ask what nasties are hiding in those seats)

china - Fabric!! How the hellll did you fall asleep in there? The funniest is when you see people asleep on buses and trains and their heads are lolling about. and they're pitching forwards.

Hannah - and you knowwww it was the comfiest place she'd ever slept!

homer - Talking of sofa sleepers... http://sleepingeyes.blogspot.com/2007/12/gobble-gobble-gobble.html

bec - Ohhh no you're a dribbler! I had one of those next to me on the train once...not for long tho!

steph - I agree, that woman did demonstrate remarkable sitting power in that chair.

miss u - what is it about those guys that just makes people want to snooze?

alice - I can't work out if that's a genuine compliment or a copy & paste advert. I'm guessing the latter, but thanks anyway.

perpetual - I swear that is always the way. I fell asleep on someones floor and you could not move me.

Lapa - only one of them is. The last one.

L.Lass - Oh I know that one too. Damn contact lenses...And I'm not surpised you had a kip during Lost World. Snoralicious.

Arbyn - they are indeed my photos. It's less of a challenge than my 'What have you come as' series, but 'Napper of the week' could be a new feature, I feel...

Boy said...

THAT'S AMAZING!
I'm the classic Lecture napper. Seriously, If I ever get insomnia, I'm just gonna go to a lecture on my course. I fall asleep in seconds. I love it.

The IT Girl said...

Haha! That's brilliant. I often see people napping in public and it takes some serious self-restraint not to go and draw on them or something.

Carlo said...

Good Job! :)

 

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