Wednesday, 2 January 2008

Welcome to the house of fun....

I don't know what I find most amusing about this sign.
It's as if all disorderly types would turn to their mate in the queue and say "Ahh, well Marvin, you are prone to a bit of disorder now and then, let's go somewhere else where they allow it, you little rascal!'. Equally, one would presume that if those in charge didn't want people to get drunk and remain on the premises, maybe they should shut the bar - it just seems a bit risky otherwise. Another option: refrain from serving absinthe, tequila, aftershock or sambucca until everyone's leaving to go home, or sell wine in expresso cups instead of bottles. You call it excessive? I call it damage limitation.

As for violent people, sure, kick 'em out after or just before they've punched someone...but how can you monitor this on the way in? Of course, someone waving a fist in your face saying 'GIMMIE GUESTLIST IF YOU WANT TO SEE TOMORROW' is the obvious sign, and looking for excessive scarring on knuckles would probably be a good indication...but how can you be sure? A rapid fire response test on the door? Do the doormen, instead of stamping someone's hand, stamp ON their hand and see if they smack you one?

Then there's my personal favourite, no quarrelsome people. This would definitely rule out my mum, all football supporters, most females for whom it is that time of the month, anyone from Essex and all bearded men over the age of 50. They're always the worst when it comes to having a good quarrel.

But no, I think the funniest thing about that sign is the location. Slap bang outside the entrance to a London University students union. For me, nothing says 'student' like drunk and disorderly and nothing says 'drunk' like student bar prices. In fact, one of my old uni housemates would have ticked every bullet-pointed box. Probably why he spent more time banned from our union than actually in it, but still. A lovely chap. Did wonders for the local charity shop as part of his community service.

True story, and one I will expand upon another day. However, until quarelling. It's the rules.


londongirl said...


I have been known to be all of the above (not at once though) in bars. I think they'd go out of business if they stuck to those rules...

the boy who likes to... said...

Isnt it against the law to serve someone alcohol who is drunk?

Although I think the easiest way to spot disorderly people is, while they are queuing up, to see if they huddle in a group (meaning they are disorderly) or if they line up in single file (meaning they are neat and can enter)

Jo said...

londongirl - It's ok, from what I can remember not many people were sticking to them...

the boy - that idea, use a bit of psychology on them.

Boy said...

It is illegal to serve alcohol to a drunk! It's a law that's very hard to enforce though. I only ever used it a couple of times when people were leathered, but I quickly learnt it's easier to just go:
Barman: "What do you want?"
Drunkard: "Jack and coke"
Barman; *pour in coke, pretend to pour jack while drunkard isn't paying attention"
Drunkard: "how much?"
Barman:" It's on me!"

Ignoring that, great post :)


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