Monday, 12 November 2007

Things that make you go....

"EURRGHHHH, YOU 'ORRIBLE LITTLE FILTH MONGER!"

It always amazes me how some girls, laydees and sofistikated women manage to leave little treats on the toilet seat. In nightclubs...hmmm...you're drunk, maybe not seeing the tinkle sprinkle...slightly excusable. But in public? In shopping centre loos? at work? The other day I went in and not only had someone left a wet patch on the seat (not splash back, definitely yellow in colour), they had also neglected to flush as well. Who is really that lazy? What made them suddenly in such a rush to leave the cubicle? Were they spooked by a particularly loud and unexpected fart? Then you find yourself looking around the office and thinking 'I wonder who it was' (for like, a second...not putting massive thought into it or anything).

So it was with great amusement that I spied this delightful little note tacked above the sinks in some other toilets at work the other day. Turns out I'm not alone in my disgust, the Seat Sprayer has been doing more than just spraying...and someone has hit Microsoft word in response:


In the words of fourteen year old school children: 'Ohhhhhh! You got TOLLLLLLLLD!'

And in the words of yours truly...'You dutty dutty ming-mong'

13 comments:

London-Lass said...

I have a boss at work who is a dutty dutty ming mong (nice turn of phrase, by the way!). He has a habit of leaving his `goodness' either up the back of the cistern, dripping off the toilet handle (I have visions in my head that he is not equipped as a normal bloke would be but with a high powered jet spray or perhaps even a garden sprinkler) or on the toilet floor/loo seat. It is also very unpleasant when he goes in for No.2s. One of my other bosses wanted me to `mock up' a note just like you've blogged, but as there are only 5 of us in the office at the moment, it wouldnt take long before a proper finger of blame would end up pointed at the boss in question, and then all hell would break loose. For, and this is where it gets weird, although we are all equally grossed out/shocked/disgusted by the state he leaves the loo in, we just cant, repeat cant actually bring ourselves to talk about it with him direct. Gah!

Miss Understood said...

That is just gross.

I can (sort of) understand how perhaps a little wee can get onto the seat (if she starts to move while she's still dribbling), but poo? She must slap both her hands on her ass cheeks, spread 'em, and then slide across the seat. Either that, or she has some very peculiar toilet habits.

Ok. I think I'll go now. Uuughhh.

Clarissa said...

Oh that is so true!

But, I must admit to being nicely shocked by the cleanliness of some toilets that I would expect to be such a mess that I would normally not even entertain entering.

The ladies at Green Park tube station. You don't even have to pay up 20 p and you get toilet paper, relatively decent smell, soap, hot water. All very civilised even with open access!

londongirl said...

gross gross gross.


I can't bear lack of cleanliness. It's so damn easy to sort too.

Ella said...

That's gross gross gross! I too can kind of get the wee but anything else and even if you have any type of accident surely you clean it up, be it out of embarrassment or courtesy. You have to wonder what state their home loos are in. I've peed in a few men's loos in my time and even those didn't have skidmarks!

Will said...

Ugh. Seen this website? You should submit your pic!

Will said...

That made me sound like a spammer. I'm not, honest...

bec said...

The best notice I ever saw in an office toilet was over a photo of a suspicious seat stain...

"You know who you are, so do we. Do it again and so will everyone else. Yours, The All Seeing Cleaners"

Dutty dutty ming mong is going to sweep the nation.

China Blue said...

I think the 'dutty dutty ming mong' is a Jamaican dance. And if it isn't, it should be.

We used to have a teacher at school who was in the habit of scratching his cratches when he thought nobody was looking. Well, a bunch of eagle-eyed teenage girls can't help but look. Much giggling later, a sign was, er, erected in the classroom. It had a picture of a crotch with a hand over it, and a red line through it... the scratching stopped soon after.

Jeez, why do people have to be so nasty-ass?

Jo said...

london lass - Oh my god that's actually rankus. It's such a difficult one though when it's a small work place. Luckily these toilets are shared by loads of people...but still doesn't stop you wondering who dunit, as it were. Do you think anyone will ever say anything? An anonymous email maybe? I'll do it if you want.

Miss Understood - Know what I mean!! I was like ok, wee on the seat...but then I read POO and was like ERRRR....how are you not cleaning that shit (excuse the pun) up?

clarissa - The same cannot be said for Baker Street. Definitely no loo roll, definitely a tramp in the end cubicle. Looks like something out of Saw I.

londongirl - Exactly, bit of loo roll, or a quick flick if there's none about.... done.

Ella - I concur, men's toilet you expect you be minging. I didn't even know girls DID poos, let alone in public, until now. Yowza.

Will - haha, great call on that website, I hadn't seen it before but it's hilarious. Thanks :D

Bec - I love these sort of signs. They make my toilet experience a lot more fun.

China - I could make a dance. It would involve squats, I think. And teachers should know better than to scratch their balls in front of teenagers. It's just wrong.

the boy who likes to... said...

The one thing I hate at mens urinals is when people thing its a great idea to wipe massive over the wall. So while I'm doing my business the only thing I have to look at is a massive line of smudged bogies.

Rachel said...

First time reader and commenter, loving your work!
I am in total agreement with the first comment on this post, I work in a small office and I am the only female, its a converted barn so we only have one loo, and I have to say some of the guys are pretty rank when it comes to toilet habits, it totally puts me off using them, all due to what may or may not confront me when I go in.
But like London-lass the office is too small to say anything about it :(

Jo said...

Hiyyyyaaaaa Rachel, welcome n all that. Men are mucky pups...and if The Boy is to be believed, it's not only whats coming out of their nether regions we should be worried about.

I say "Note writers of the world unite"...get Anonymous Note Making!

 

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