Monday, 2 July 2007

Advice for Bombers: When in London, avoid double yellow lines

I couldn't let a blog post roll by without commenting on the latest attempts to maim our beloved, soggy, drenched, flooded swampland of a country in the most recent terrorist attacks, or should I say illegal parking incidents, on Britain and Scotland last week. Lets see. First they tried to blow up Tiger Trash nightclub but succeeded only in creating a rather obvious smoking effect which was detected in minutes by a passing ambulance. Realising stealth was the name of the game, they tried again: but evidently all the research they'd done into Why Britain Is Bad failed to bring up the fundamental fact that our government spend more time and money looking for and towing away illegally parked cars than they do sniffing out a terrorist threat, thus the car was impounded before you could say 'Allah! Bombs away!', marking another failure for our intrepid Turbanators. What next, I hear you cry? To Scotland! To the airport! To the planes? NO! To the glass doors outside the airport where we will set our car and ourselves alight - lets really give it to them! What can go wrong? Well, given the recent floodage, was it really a good idea to go to the wettest end of the country and attempt anything with fire? Evidently not; out came the hoses and 'Glasgow's version of 24's Jack Bauer', apparently, who rugby tackled the burning mentalists to the ground and thwarted their plans for world pandemonium and the installation of extremist Islamic values in Scotland. Overall, they succeeded in rendering Alicante and Palma defunct of Scots for about 5 hours and prevented hoards of Haymarket revellers from picking up an easy shag on Friday night. Success all round, then.

I found an equally amusing facebook group (me and the book are back on speaking terms again) which h'actually made a little bit of wee come out; observe the description of the 'Is it me or are terrorists shit' online club:

...if it's seventy virgins you're looking for, don't start in Glasgow, or
outside Tiger Tiger. Britain is currently in the grip of a wave of hilariously
inept terror attacks. So far, the victims of these fundamentalist Chuckle
Brothers include some bins outside a shit nightclub, a set of glass doors at
Glasgow airport and a few thousand slightly disrupted journeys. Well done,
terrorists, the country is paralysed. With mirth.

I understand, of course, that it all could have gone horribly wrong (or right, for the terrorists) but all this must be terribly embarrassing for them. And, much like when someone trips over in a busy street, what better thing to do than point and laugh at their misfortune?


the boy who likes to... said...

I was commenting to the missus how it would of made the UK a better place had Tiger Tiger been blown up (of course with no one inside)

Did you hear what one of the terrorist leaders was tapped on tape saying. Something about making all the "slags" pay. Sounds more like he has been stood up more then a terrorist.

Although I have to say, if a few crappy terrorist attacks managed to almost work I can only hope this is down to the police concentrating on the bigger threats out there.

James said...

Yeh terrorist attacks aren't what they used to be. I was commenting with a friend of mine the other day about how they may of started to big with the 9/11 thing, it's all been a little downhill since really.

And what about that Bin Laden fella he seems to have shunned his new found fame and hasn't been seen since his big blockbuster.

Seriously, bloody glad they are incompetent, I fear the time when someone with some brains tries.

Bec said...

Very glad we've gotten nothing but ineptitude since 7/7. Or maybe it is more likely our security forces are getting better... or are paying off the right informers this time?

The blowing up of a nightclub to make the 'slags' pay did smack of 'ugly bloke who can't get laid' rather than the usual 'for the good of Allah' and all the usual guff...

London-Lass said...

Even if the attempt(s) didnt carry through as planned .. I still shudder and think "What if...?"

Venting said...

On CNN they are playing these attacks up because, of course, they need something to keep THE FEAR OF TERROR alive in America.

Nobody Girl said...

What scares me is that fact these would-be bombers are doctors -they're intelligent grown up, not silly kids. (although not so intelligent as to read the parking signs as you said..)

That said, I find myself staring at people on the tube, I even got off a tube in Camden yesterday because some guy was sweating and looking twitchy, with a huge backback.

Jo said...

Agree with you, theboy and bec. Terrorists are evidently just lacking sexually. And James I agree, lets hope they're on a downward spiral, maybe the pay packet isn't as good as it used to be in the old taliban or whatever they are. Jihad. Thing.

Venting - indeed , what's the point in a government if the country have nothing to be scared of, eh?

london - lass and nobody girl - i concur to the max...I still think 'what if' and it still makes me paranoid, but the best thing to do to quell all that is laugh and take the piss.


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