Monday, 21 May 2007

Sitting waiting wishing....

....for my shoes to arrive


Having missed the posty on Friday, I had to get them redelivered today. What a pain. They can't specify a time so I have to sit here in front of the tv waiting for the doorbell all day until they come. Dammit. Strange how I'm not normally a morning person, but with the impending arrival of a pair of shoes I was out of bed and home by half 8 watching the front door. With Jezza Kyle for company, of course.



So I'm currently watching this nutter on This Morning who, after a bit too much coke, heard an 'angel' in her head called Michael who has been guiding her in life. What a heap of shit. Oh and she's got a book to plug, surprise surprise. To find your angel apparently just light some candles and put on some really good music and you know, man, just look for the signs.


I'm not quite sure what to make of all this, like fair enough if it works for them, then fine...who am I to say she's talking bollocks. But seriously? Archangel Michael whispering in your ear after a coke induced overdose saying 'stop this...you have to give up the coke or you'll die'...did you wake up to find the room bathed in a white light? was the angel dressed in white? Did he have a wand? A name tag? Stethescope, perhaps...?


Did the 'angel' then advise you to spread the word, write all his advise down and make it available in paperback for the masses? Is it then Gods supreme wish that the gospel according to Archangel Michael, the coke-fiend's friend, be spread through the shelves of Waterstones for £10.99 a pop? Small price to pay for the advise of an angel, that. Does it go straight into the local church fund, or via your bank account first? Moreover, is he receiving royalties for his efforts?


I'm evidently sceptical. Not being a religious girl, I find it hard to think of these things as anything other than as a coping mechanism for stress or a bad experience. Like it's great if people have this faith that gets them through life or stops them messing up on drugs, but really - coming on TV to tell your story and selling a book documenting how you were 'saved'? And all these people are now ringing up to say how they've got angels too, seeing 'orbs' that, in photos, look suspiciously like the glare of light you get on a camera lense. Yeah...I know. Crazy that.


Actually, I tell a lie, I heard a voice on Saturday night. It told me to 'drink...drink...get a double vodka and lemonade' and it carried on all night from bar to bar, then it told me to 'stop...stop...get a cab home' and gave me a piggy back to the taxi rank. It didn't stop there. When we got home, it said 'go to bed....bed....bed............'. The same voice then woke me up the next morning and informed me of several things from the night before that I didn't remember. Looks like those archangels get everywhere, eh, even Hull.


So I'll leave it there. My shoes have arrived! Mmmmm, lovely big box with my name on.




Behold, the heavenly gifts that lie inside....





Ohhh....yummy. Well, This Morning's coke-fiend might have an angel that provides her with life changing advise, but mine's the postman and he gives me shoes.

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop!

1 comment:

Jo said...
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