Wednesday, 30 May 2007

Pointless TV

I sat in front of the TV last night for about 4 hours. Amazingly BBC2 Eggheads, Weakest Link, then The Apprentice, via Eastenders (hour long, waoop), across to How to Look Good Naked (where I found out that the number one moisturiser with tan is the £25 one...pants...£4.99 Johnson's came 4th), trotted on by through Gordon Ramsey's F-Word, then arrived at East 17 The Reunion.

Yesterday, the newly reformed Take That were in my list of irritating celebrities and fairly near the top because they're one of those boybands who split up, each try and go solo, fail miserably, fade into obscurity and then reform 10 years later. Clearly this means one of two things: 1) separately they have the talent of stagnant pond water or 2) the magic only works when they're togetharrrrr. Ahhhhhh.

So when I saw this programme last night on East 17 (for non-UKers they're an East London boyband who were like the antithesis of Take That about 10 years know, ' yo yo we're bad boy gangstarr here's a slow one for the ladies'), I thought Uh-Oh...Cringe Alert. And yessss, I did have posters on my wall, maybe fancied Tony Mortimer for a bit even if he did have squinty eyes, always thought Brian Harvey was utterly ridiculous with his huge trousers and hat perched on the very top of his head, and never knew the name of the other two, just like everyone else my age. But then Brian boasted about taking 20 ecstasy pills in a night, the world went mad about it, Mortimer got all depressed and retired with his song writing millions to a mansion, and the other two plundered into debt.

And now here we are, 10 years later and they're all brought back together to see about starting again. This programme was the embodiment of pointless television. They've all gone from semi-coherent to FACKIN' ELL N AYYYY WOZ LOIKE INIT FACKIN I 'ATE THE GOVERNMENT FACKIN ELL, they're not edifying, non of them are remotely attractive, and they're still singing their 90s hits. In a nutshell, they decided 'SHIT DA BED, TAKE DAT 'AVE REFORMED...WHY DAN'T WE??', the camera crew followed them round, and proved nothing apart from what we already knew. That a) Brian Harvey is utterly ridiculous, b) Tony Mortimer is still a mopey boring sod with squinty eyes just a bit fatter, and c) the other two are still, well, the other two: talentless, awful, skinhead, tattooed backing singers.

The long and the short of it is that no, it wasn't a success. Their attempt to reincarnate themselves into chart topping popstars went down the toilet along with Harvey's pill induced vomit. Three of them are doing tours around universities and cheese nightclubs around the country singing along to backing tracks supplied by Brian's iPod.

But this conclusion would be painfully obvious to anyone who realised that the opening captions said that it was filmed in 2006...and with it being 2007...and with East 17 still being absent from our radios... we actually already know that it didn't work. Infact, I should have known because they played at my university last year, a sure-fire sign that they're has-beens. And there we have it, a totally pointless programme. Thanks, Channel 4.

Talking of pointless TV, Big Brother UK starts tonight...what is it...number 10 or something? Here are my predictions for entrants:

1 x lesbian
3 x gay men
1 x middle aged / old man
2 x page 3 worthy girls
1 x girl who thought she was hot until she saw the other two
1 x semi-hot but hugely arrogant bloke
1 x complete and utter minger with slag tendencies
1 x weirdo who prays to the God of Cheese.

Lets see how close I get.


China Blue said...

E17 were just the right side of rubbish back in the day. Now they're just a bunch of minging bloaters who are fronted by a slightly unstable guy who ran himself over (or was run over by a disgruntled dealer depending on who you talk to). TT at least had the benefit of having a couple of fit guys.

bec said...

I hated East 17 Deep Deep Down back in the day, when I saw the advert for the show (I didn't watch - got caught up in Veronica Mars/Sex & The City land) I laughed for a little while and then shook my head as I realised that everybody, everybody in the house of love will think these morons are cool, buy their sodding records and then they will be back in the charts too. Goddammit!

And I CAN"T BELIEVE Big Brother is back. Why?! What the hell are they possible expecting to be new?!

Young Miss Williams said...

Oh Big Brother... I'm not going to watch it this year... did I watch it last year? I don't remember you know... which one had Shilpa Shetty in it? I watched that one.. cuz of the Jade thing of course...

Boy, I can GO ON!

I didn't mind E17 back in the day, got a couple of their songs on my itunes somewhere.. you KNOW that song they did with Gabrielle was hottt, girl don't even deny it!

Hey didn't Brian Harvey run himself over or some shit like that?

thethinker said...

I used to love Big Brother, before I got sick of the fact that it kept coming back.

Steph said...

Take That are NOTHING without the love of my life- Robbie Williams. what I wouldn't do to get an hour alone with that man. Meeooowww!!

As for Big Brother, your series is sooo much better than ours. I'll be watching via the web. Yes, I'm a fucking reality TV Junkie, what of it??? ;)

Jo said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blog Template by - RSS icons by ComingUpForAir