Tuesday, 29 May 2007

Irritating Celebrities: Ze List.

Following on from my musings on celebrities who look like animals I have decided to compile a list of celebrities who are irritating me greatly at the moment. Like a bad smell they just won't be banished from the pages of the magazines, the red carpets, airwaves, televisions or films of Britain and the world, so here is my little effort to push them gently into obscurity. Behold the horrors below. Add your own. Yell in disagreement. Nod in homage to my choices. Let's begin:

Who? Mick Hucknall

From? Simply Red / The ugly tree

Why? Look at the man. He's one of those mysteries of nature; absolutely ming-mong but never the less commands hoards of screaming female fans who think he's hotter than Paris Hilton's itchy bits. It shouldn't be allowed. Of course it has nothing to do with the fact that he's something of a millionaire....

Who? Steve Coogan

From? Alan Partridge, various films, including...

Why? A GOD AWFUL film called 'A Cock and Bull Story' which was the most 'I'm so bored that I suspect clenching my bum cheeks together for 2 hours would probably be more entertaining' thing I've seen in ages. Evidently I missed the hilarity of Alan Partridge and still maintain he's more irritating than bleach. However, like old hot-head Hucknall above, he still manages to have regular scandals with famous hot women. Cheated on his wife as well. AND Shagged scat-head Courtney Love. Ick.

Who? Take That (reincarnated)

From? the charts of the 90s

Why? Look, when I was 10 or 11, Take That were my band of choice. Folders, pencils, sticker albums - the lot. But I'm really not grabbing onto the bandwagon this time round 10 years later. With concert tickets getting grabbed up within minutes and fans regressing back to their childhoods, screaming for their aging bodies... I just want to scream 'GET BACK TO THE HAS-BEEN BOX!' and 'OI, BARLOW...GROW SOME BALLS, LAD!'

Who? David Gest

From? err...the Strange Face shop? Don't know. Pass.

Why? Because he's one of those celebrities that is bloody everywhere at the moment and I have no idea where he's appeared from, aside from out of Liza Minelli's boudoir. Isn't he utterly rancid anyway? Hideous man.

Who? Kate Thornton

From? X Factor til they saw the light / any show that'll have her

Why? Boring voice. For having Tony Blair style hand and head movements when presenting. The way she feigns sympathetic friend act to all those exiting the judges room on X Factor, even the rubbish ones when you know she couldn't care less. The odd dodgy dress.

Who? Edith Bowman

From? Radio 1

Why? Irritating voice. Over excitable about shit things. Plays shit songs. Licks the arse of anyone remotely cool. OH WOW I'm giving away two tickets to a fun fun Indie type Concert!!! WOW! WOW! RING IN! Talk to me! I'll be your new Scottish friend! I've ranted about her before and I'll continue to rant until she is removed from the radio airwaves, TV screens and red carpets of the world. Begone, woman.

Who? Keira Knightley

From? Pirates of the Caribbean, Love Actually (only film she's bearable in), Domino

Why? Go on love, GISSA SMILE! Basically for poses like
<-- that. The constant 'sucking in air through my teeth' pout. 'Aim a bountay huntar'. No, you're not. And dye your eyebrows the same colour as your hair. Enough said.

Who? Paris Hilton

From? The local STD clinic (probably) or Heiress of Hilton hotel fortune.

Why? No one should be given that much money for doing so little. Being a generally awful vulgar simpleton. Narcissistic. Dirty slag. Vile woman. Manners of a enraged hippopotamus. I could go on.

Stand by for more additions to The List.

PS. I can't get the writing next to the pictures. It's annoying me.
PPS. Why does everything look fine in the preview then messed up when I've published? Grunt.


Bec said...

Totally agree on every single one of them. I hate the way Paris Hilton keeps showing up in all the good shows playing herself. And Mick Hucknall - WTF is that?!

Genius you are.

China Blue said...

I'm deeply ashamed to say that I saw an old Simply Red video on VH1 and remarked that back in the day, Mick wasn't that bad. Now he does indeed ming to the highest mong - Scummy dreadlocks? Bloating? Looking like a raddled old mess? Eurgh.

Paris Hilton should donate what little brain she has to science - it would be nice to see if anything at all is developing above, rather than below, her waist.

Jo said...
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Nobody Girl said...

Oh my God! Finally someone else who loathes Steve Coogan too! Jo, I salute you! With Keira Knightley it's the slightly gormless pout she does, it winds me up so much.

green_canary said...

"Begone, woman." Oh god. The humor. It's killing me :-)

Jo said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
the boy who likes to... said...

Good list, althoguh I do have a thing for Paris. Normally I wouldnt care as much about her types but I think she gets far too much bad press. If I had loads of money Id probably be just like her and party all the time. So Id be a hypocrate to say she is annoying.


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